willingly

i ask that you take all of me. for i no longer need myself. take my hands. my belly. my neck. my back. take every breath. every thought. every shudder. take my laughter & my tremble & my tears. take my guts & piss & shit & blood. take every bit of matter i am. i give it all to you.

willingly.

let my flesh feed you. let my blood sustain you. let my laughter give you joy & peace & ease. let my touch melt away uncertainty. let me steal you an orange — van

& call her “happiness runs”

red & blue — also fine.

let me find you a horse & a goat made of fish. let me make you from the sun with gold heart on head. let me build you a nest & grow bananas out of sea. let me spin for you until i become points of light. let me kiss you in the

winter spring summer fall

let me kiss you when there are no seasons at all. i'll watch you grow. i’ll watch you fail. i’ll watch you wade dangerously. i’ll sway with you.

until we set we free.

-n.nigro 2018

wild geese

You do not have to be good. You do not have to walk on your knees for a hundred miles through the desert repenting. You only have to let the soft animal of your body love what it loves. Tell me about despair, yours, and I will tell you mine. Meanwhile the world goes on. Meanwhile the sun and the clear pebbles of the rain are moving across the landscapes, over the prairies and the deep trees, the mountains and the rivers. Meanwhile the wild geese, high in the clean blue air, are heading home again. Whoever you are, no matter how lonely, the world offers itself to your imagination, calls to you like the wild geese, harsh and exciting - over and over announcing your place in the family of things.

- mary oliver  

washed in trepidation

these moments fear all steps

davanti indietro a lato

but i leap

watched the clouds today 

saw you

and in the cobblestone

underneath my feet 

you sent me a prayer

so i leap

thursday has me closer 

to your heartbeat

friday to your fingertips

soon saturday 

you'll take me to cabaret voltaire

and i leap 

blind, dieser Flug

-n.nigro 2018

and as you say:

“this world is giving birth to pain in all angles”  

how can one stay that?  

frozen elephants on ice

keeping the stillness

breathless

and not in our suspended way

but you… you give us so much light.

“please kiss me on my strawberry mouth”

-n.nigro 2018  

04.10.18 the plum yard, Malovice (CZ).

beside a lake in torino

small doses of fear taper breath. cutting short all we can inhale. i found you sleepy at the bottom of the pond. your hair wet with trepidation. my spine stiff. hands calm. i will feed you pancakes at midnight. i will watch birds preen with you. i will wait till the seasons stop changing.

-n.nigro 2017.

these stories we tell.

we witnessed her unity

we witnessed as she grappled with understanding

we watched her stand somewhere between profound wildness & stark shame

she became our definition of love

and every defining moment after that

-n.nigro 2014

i've decided...

to let that live where it lived. there in two bunkbeds. there in stolen glances & secret smiles. there in hands grazing. there in breathless kisses & urgent palms. there in a brownstone in brooklyn. there in a corner of my heart.

-n.nigro 04.04.2014

what

shall

I

do

with

this

fire

you

gave

me?

13|09|18

il futuro

se dai importanza al pensiero altrui rinunci a te stesso. sii folle.

poesia xii

you come home today. i’ve been looking for you all over the plum yard. this place is an island

you

the sea

you

the chickens

you

quicksand

you

the light

you

the sound

squalid & depraved | joyous & suspended

-n.nigro 2018

poesia xix

this rage is rapid like sharp spines|how dare you show me such a good fucking time|the impulses of my body lead to fingertips|if my front teeth touched|i’d eat you

-n.nigro 2018

Praha 11.10.18.

poesia xiii

perhaps i came here to be danced by you(s)

-n.nigro 2018

photo: pilou barge

poesia ii

soft autumn in your arms. i wait for shades of you.

apple red. ground cinnamon. charcoal. sapphire blue.

sips of strangulation & sussurri too.

-n.nigro 2018

today was beautiful. like a lighthouse - strong & clear. made 3 new phrases of movement. created them in the grass across from the plum yard. a sea of corn fields. stalks a foot taller than me|she|he|ze.

then i called my father:

i will spend my life saying the same words to you. i will spend my life hoping you will somehow live. i will spend my life waiting for you to see. i will spend my life wishing you would wake-up. i will spend my life wanting you to know me. i will spend my life afraid of the phone ringing. i will spend my life terrified of becoming you. i will spend my life wanting to hold your hand. i will spend my life trying to dissolve my anger. i will spend my life wishing a change would come. i will spend my life loving you from a far.

-n.nigro 2018

if i were to write a letter to you

i don't know how you feel. how easy it is for you to forget me. you love easily and you love often. and in fact, you are in love with someone else. maybe we both used each other to get what we needed. to be fed. but now i sit with these memories. 

the marks you left on my body are fading. a small bruise on my left hip. a red dot on my right shoulder. a fingerprint on my ass cheek. a soft semi-circle on my belly. i imagine myself lying on the kitchen table. a thin layer of flour underneath me. i am in that airy black and white dress. you can only touch me with your mouth. and it arrives everywhere, as it always does. you have made everything intensely erotic. the flap of a bird's wing. the wind on my skin. my hands in the garden. your breath beside me. 

we were salty from the ligurian sea, but i know it is only a beautiful island. four days are easy to fill.

è una bella isola.

-n.nigro 2018

i am consumed here.

fed & eaten       

an eternal loop of desire

thirst

indulgence 

care 

watch me - watch you

giving & taking

here no parts of me are left untouched

i am consumed here.

all skin

all bones

all flesh

peered into & seen

breath: heard, held, taken. i am cradled & cracked. i am eaten from the inside. time ceases to exist. these days are languid, dense & tempestuous. still summer air. taste everything. drink everything. fruit, ripe for the taking.

-n.nigro 2018

villanelle

i spin four times and open the door 

     the marks you left are fading

i'm disemboweled and fall to the floor

you were never one to keep score

     but i remember you aiding

i spin four times and open the door

a small bruise on my core

     your eyes always invading

i'm disemboweled and fall to the floor

did we exist before? 

     the laughter still persuading

i spin four times and open the door

your mouth like a carnivore

     frenetic desire wading

i'm disemboweled and fall to the floor 

watching you watch me implore

     this love forever lading

i spin four times and open the door

i'm disemboweled and fall to the floor

-n.nigro 2018

i think i will not see you until the winter. the lightness that comes when i am near you is invisible here. the breathlessness in my bones remains and the thought of your eyes on me is violent longing, so dense i cannot speak. this love will eat all stability. nothing left but meat hanging from bone. and so i am left to dream of your flesh... 

all touch lost.  

-n.nigro 2018

casina settarte, puglia. 

dark coagulation of the coldest kind

Tinsel town is a far way away from Tuscany. Tread lightly dear otter, between you and me. Hide your hiccups in the cages for all to see. Firm hands cradle craniums and lead recklessly - who gets to say when we become free. 

I ate a turnip on a Tuesday and it twisted my tongue until all I could see was what was left inside thee. Sweet and sticky like marshmallow pie, cotton candy that wouldn't dare fuck the sky. When did you become a sloth? Slow moving. Mouth like an anteater. Searching for crumbs. Slack-jawed and suction-cup fingers - simplicity akin to the enemy. Didn't you know we need you to desire we? Apathy has got us weak in the knees. 

Firm Fridays have us standing upright. Our lips tense, straight lines drawn tight, but look at that tree, all gnarled and bent. Full of beasts and burdens and malicious intent. How meaty it would be to reside in thee. Dark coagulation of the coldest kind. Intestines laced and intertwined. The bottom of the ocean filling our minds. 

Familiarity has fucked us incessantly. 

Familiarity has fucked us sideways. 

Familiarity has fucked us six ways from Sunday.

-n.nigro 2018

death

maybe I can have a funeral for you 

all the parts that pulse and want and sweat and need

all the parts that come alive when he looks at me

maybe I can have a funeral for all the parts that burn

am I resigned to your goodness

to your quiet, caring, faithful love

will I suffocate in my familiarity 

disappear from your gaze 

all of this is because of you

all of this joy

all of this pain

every beautiful vista sits in your palm

and I want to throw it all away for a frenzied hand playing my ribs

castelfiorentino. maggio 2018.

the bits that burn and leave you breathless 

they can’t remain forever 

if they lasted they would eat us up

but how much I long for that tender madness 

and to see him is to taste it

with tears streaming down my face

I don’t quite know how it all passes and drifts away

time stealing desire from our hearts

our palms

our eyes

familiarity rendering me invisible

- n.nigro 2018